Hello curious ones,
Not having sex right this second? That doesn't mean you're not sex-positive, or that you're not doing it right. Read on...
Also! 2017 workshop and Curiosity dates have been released! See below.
Asexuality is a part of sexuality, as stillness is a part of movement.
I think of "sex positivity" as one's attitude towards sex (and other people's consensual sex), as opposed to a daily (or weekly, monthly, yearly) requirement. The pressure or expectation to be having a lot - any? - sex, and the sense that lots of sex is part of being an enlightened creature, can suddenly start to feel very sex negative. Ironically, one gets inversely slut-shamed for not having enough sex.
It happens to women, to men, and it most definitely happens to non-binary / queer / trans communities. There are a million reasons to not be having sex, but that doesn't mean you're sex-negative.
Some of the most sex-positive people I can think of haven't had anything that looks like traditional sex for a long time.
One of the things that happens is that our culture is a bizarre mix of sex-celebratory as well as sex-negative; anyone that's having more sex than you is a slut (or sleazy, predatory, dangerous, sex-obsessed), and anyone having less sex than you is frigid (or damaged, or unevolved, or unattractive, etc.). Or at least, that's the way we're trained to look at the world around us.
When one is going through a period of less sex than the culturally defined correct amount, it can be a very isolated and downwardly-spiraling situation; especially if one would like to be a bit more active than one is.
Sometimes when we cross over, and get back in the saddle as they say, without realising it we start looking down on those that are not getting as much action. All of our unprocessed shame at ourselves when we were in that period (as well as our relief from being out of it, and panic at the thought of going back into it) comes out. We start talking about ourselves like we are better than, or doing a better job, or more evolved...
Fuck that. And fuck no-one, if that's right for you. "Sex positivity" is the attitude you have to your body, your sexuality, and other people's... It's got nothing to do with how much sex you're having, or if it looks remotely like the mainstream definition of sex.
Let's instead just assume that you're perfect as you are. (And, I like to think, "sex-positive"). :)
2017 Workshop dates are now up, on the calendar.
Kink 101 - version for all couples, and singles (heterosexual pairings) is coming up on January 8th. Fun Little Sex Games - version for all couples is on Jan 10th. Then Rog is off to Sydney to run a few things at the Festival of Really Good Sex later in January.
Curiosity dates are also now mostly published. The play-space is on the second Saturday of the month, for the whole year. The workshop for new people jumps around a bit, as we experiment with ones on the same day as the play-space, and ones on different days. A paid assistant role for the setup and pack-down now exists; please see the relevant, detailed post in the secret Curiosity group.
For those of you that couldn't be there, the end of year Curiosity dinner and performances were pretty beautiful. What an amazing range of talents, and what a gorgeous bunch of people. I think you can go right ahead and pencil that in again for 9th December, 2017!
And once again, the silly season is approaching. Why not give an experience rather than a product? Perhaps a Curious Creatures Gift Certificate would hit the spot?
Hoping you're well in whatever you're doing,
Rog and the CC Crew.
Rog is the driving force behind Curious Creatures, and the main author of this sexuality blog in Melbourne. They were brought up white, middle-class, mostly heterosexual, and male. They now identify as kinky, tantric, polyamorous, queer, and very, very curious. Are you curious? Read more about Rog and Curious Creatures.